According to the Weekly World News, an unnamed CIA source has revealed that Dick Cheney is a robot. Unfortunately, says the source, the designers were "unable to give it emotions and compassion". The robot can move and speak almost as well as a human and its electronic brain has 24/7 wireless Internet access. A leaked photo shows Cheney with a portion of his chest folded back, revealing wiring and circuit boards. While the source reported that Cheney-bot is unable to learn from experience, he also commented that "the damn thing is smart, I'll give it that much." Cheney's frequent hospital visits are actually a cover for maintenance on his circuits. A scan of the original article can be found at Indymedia.org.